The Awkward French

French kissing is awkward as hell.

As non-sequiturs go, I think that's a good one. But it remains accurate (at least for this novitiate), unless practice does have an impact on overall performance. Regular kissing I've managed to get down with no problems; again, that old adage of "being with the right person makes it easier" holds true. My boyfriend and I progressed naturally (and quickly) from a goodnight hug to a goodnight kiss.

But Frenching...mmph. I don't know. We'll have to give it time. I just feel...awkward.

Does anyone else think that the whole French-as-the-language-of-love thing is a bit outdated? As a French speaker I feel like an idiot trying to be all sexy while calling someone "my little cabbage-head." Um, no. Italian is much smoother to the ears and palatable to the (comprehending) listener, in my opinion. German is definitely not a romantic language, but it can be very sweet. But French...French makes me feel sleazy. And not in a good way.

I admire the French mindset when it comes to love, even if I don't always understand it. I believe that many French women are incredibly self-actualized, but French men I haven't found to be particularly nice, and far too slick. Plus there's the whole Christian Louboutin thing which continues to drive me nuts every time I think about it: how can anyone consider Barbie (yes, the anorexic children's toy) fat?! Only a creepy, insane, French shoe-designer. Italian men are sleazy too but they at least back up their smack with some gestures.

But back to the subject of French kissing. I won't say I hate it, because it was nice. And my boyfriend is a complete sweetheart, so when I told him "I feel awkward" his immediate response was "No, you don't."

We're already slightly awkward as a couple; since I'm a teacup human, my head comes to the middle of his chest. This means I have to perch on something for a proper kiss. Thus far we've discovered that a lofted bed, two stairs, or being picked up works the best. All of which are, in their own cute ways, awkward positions. I couldn't really give a damn; I can't help it, and he definitely doesn't seem to mind. We're still in the honeymoon phase where everything is happy and rosy-colored.

So I don't really care about the awkward French. But I will have to practice my Frenching. Hmmm...

A demain
WolfGrrl