Profligate?

Sometimes I wonder whether or not I am spoiled.
No, let me rephrase.
Sometimes I wonder to what extent I am spoiled. I understand and ruefully acknolwedge that I am and always will be spoiled. Anyone growing up in a stable, loving, inclusive environment with a supportive family (and a financially solvent one) is spoiled.

But, to my parents, please rest assured that I shall probably never be one of those people who can spend large sums of money at the drop of a hat.

Today I purchased a computer with two-thirds of my own money (meaning I paid for two-thirds of the item and the tax). I have never spent so much. I agonized, aloud and privately, to myself for three days. Finally, as with most of my decisions, I got fed up with the two sides of my consciousness yelling back and forth and bought the darn thing to shut them up.

Gulp.
One parent (and my boyfriend) despise the kind of computer I just bought. The other parent is, dare I say, indifferent. However, it's me not them that purchased and will use this shiny new toy. And, as I have been told (and am beginning to see) I am 100% stubborn when I fix my mind on something. Oh dear.

I feel rational, and at the same time giddy with the knowledge that I just signed myself up for a year of no scones, no movies, and no books or clothes. I will be saving everything I make and am given in order to rebuild the nest egg I just diminished.

Was it worth it? I don't know. I honestly don't know. But, this is life after all. You make choices, rooted in good or bad desires, and they turn out to be good or bad choices. I take comfort in the fact that I a) got an almost $200 discount on this computer, and b) it will both significantly broaden my ability to function in the world and ease my travels in the spring. (Hopefully.)

Oh dear. The money. Ahhhhhh...
WolfGrrl