Cracked

It's been a long time since I posted anything - and I haven't any reason for my silence.

Tomorrow is my last first day of school, and it's a terror and a relief. I don't know what to feel except sadness. I have my share of regrets, but they pass like the afternoon thunderstorms. I'm very tired, although I slept for the past twenty-four hours. I'm not...waiting, per se, but I am restless. Lonely.

I have made my choices this summer. I have brought about some endings and accepted those I cannot change. I have sought solace where I can find it, and tried to be the best person I can be. It doesn't ever feel like enough, but there is no going back. I can say that, and mean it. There is no reason to go backwards and every reason to go forward.

This year will be my year. It is my last year, in a way, of childhood and protection. I'm so grateful for the way we structure life here in America - it means I can adjust, little by little, to adulthood. But, it also means that the end must come, and it has. Senior year of high school was the best and worst of my life up until then. I've been through a lot since that year, overcome obstacles and experienced miracles. 

I'm still lonely. But I know it isn't permanent. I'm still frightened, but I'm sick of being frightened. I'm strong. I'll meet these endings with my head held high and my chin raised. I refuse to be broken. Not even a little. Cracked, maybe. Broken, never.

Salut
WG