Sweet and Sour

Yes, I do like (American) Chinese food. But that's not what this post is about.

Lately, when my mother comes upstairs to tidy and make her bed in the mornings, she finds me lying on my bed, usually covered by a blanket, either asleep or near to it. Her standard question is "Do you feel all right?"

Today we were trying to remember the last time I was this relaxed. I think it's been at least a decade, if not longer. That's more than half my life, Reader. More than half.

This is the sweetness of my life. I am not depressed, I am not drugged to the point of being gaga. I am peaceful. I have found a place where I can be both social and calm, extroverted and introverted. I go out with friends, I make sponanteous trips to the mall or the library or the animal shelter. I go to work; I go to school. I go (endlessly, haha) to the doctor. My life is full but not bursting; it is sweet and has enough sour to give it vigour.

I am happy. I've lost weight, but not too much. I eat and don't worry about when, how much, or what. I laugh often and love more openly. I am sad, but it doesn't last as long, nor is it as strong. I bounce. I am so bouncy I probably annoy everyone around me - except they tell me no, they like to see me like this.

Who is this person? This wonderful, incredible, intelligent, resilient person? Has she always been in me, buried under layers and layers of dead skin, depression and darkness?

I have cast off my darkness at last; I have bloomed; I am not a catepiller (ugh) but a butterfly. (A humble one, admittedly, but hey, that's me.) It's summer where I am, and summer used to be the time I hated most. Now I shrug off the heat and snooze in the sun. I look forward to wearing shorts and flipflops and dresses. I con my friends into taking pictures of me (OHMYGAWD, that has NEVER happened before!) and let them dress me up and take me out.

Maybe I should have said this post was simply sweet.
WolfGrrl