This Day

Today is a good day, readers. After a week of feeling out-of-sorts and off-balance, I seem to have found a nice resting place where I can flutter my wings and bask in the sun. The heat of summer has waned a little; the sky has cleared; my family is safe; my boyfriend is back at school and well.

I am constantly amazed by the ability of human beings to both create and withstand chaos. I create my own chaotic life, and I therefore must be responsible for the anxiety and stress that comes with that chaos. Somehow, though, that thought gets lost in the sea of worries and fears and pain. Life is a rocky, roundabout dirt road, not a paved super-highway with signs and six lanes to avoid traffic jams. I may know this in my head, but the rest of me needs constant reminders.

I would like to make this post a celebration of today. I don't celebrate the todays of my life often enough; I'm always running ahead or running behind, trying to see six ways from Sunday and feeling as though I am slave driver and slave. So let's see what makes this day a good day.

1. My boyfriend is settled. Never underestimate the impact loved ones have on our happiness. I never understood my mother's anxiety when my father travels until now. Having found someone to love - and love dearly - I worry about him. I want to be near him. I want to reach out and hold his hand when he's upset or stressed or happy. 

2. I got some sleep. Yes, college students (and other young adults) are notorious for being able to function on little sleep. Too bad I'm not one of those; coffee and I have never gotten along, and I can no longer depend on sugar to keep my brain working. I require sleep. Go figure. 

3. Sunshine. Oh, I love the sun. I love the warmth, the brightness, the colors it brings to the world. I love the morning and I desperately love the evening. I am so much happier when I can see golden light and green trees outside my window, instead of grey skies and rain water. Rain makes me melancholy. Sun makes me smile. 

4. My family is safe. I never doubted that they wouldn't be, but my father and sister are traveling out West and didn't check into their hotel on time. My mother was naturally anxious and that made me anxious. But they are safe (they took a sight-seeing detour, sighhh) and well and together. 

I'm sure there are more things that make today wonderful. I have no homework; I can relax; I finished the book I was reading; I can bake a cake; the cat didn't bite me (yet). These are some things that make today This Day, this good, good day. 

Bien

WolfGrrl

Sweet and Sour

Yes, I do like (American) Chinese food. But that's not what this post is about.

Lately, when my mother comes upstairs to tidy and make her bed in the mornings, she finds me lying on my bed, usually covered by a blanket, either asleep or near to it. Her standard question is "Do you feel all right?"

Today we were trying to remember the last time I was this relaxed. I think it's been at least a decade, if not longer. That's more than half my life, Reader. More than half.

This is the sweetness of my life. I am not depressed, I am not drugged to the point of being gaga. I am peaceful. I have found a place where I can be both social and calm, extroverted and introverted. I go out with friends, I make sponanteous trips to the mall or the library or the animal shelter. I go to work; I go to school. I go (endlessly, haha) to the doctor. My life is full but not bursting; it is sweet and has enough sour to give it vigour.

I am happy. I've lost weight, but not too much. I eat and don't worry about when, how much, or what. I laugh often and love more openly. I am sad, but it doesn't last as long, nor is it as strong. I bounce. I am so bouncy I probably annoy everyone around me - except they tell me no, they like to see me like this.

Who is this person? This wonderful, incredible, intelligent, resilient person? Has she always been in me, buried under layers and layers of dead skin, depression and darkness?

I have cast off my darkness at last; I have bloomed; I am not a catepiller (ugh) but a butterfly. (A humble one, admittedly, but hey, that's me.) It's summer where I am, and summer used to be the time I hated most. Now I shrug off the heat and snooze in the sun. I look forward to wearing shorts and flipflops and dresses. I con my friends into taking pictures of me (OHMYGAWD, that has NEVER happened before!) and let them dress me up and take me out.

Maybe I should have said this post was simply sweet.
WolfGrrl

Truth

From burdge-bug's (Brigid's) tumblr. Gotta love that girl; she always lifts my spirits!