A (Humorous) List

10 THINGS I CANNOT DO

1. Stand up while laughing. If anyone ever wants to attack me, I have to be sitting down and laughing. Then I'm a goner.
2. That stupid thing where you rub your stomach and pat your head while (this is optional) hopping on one foot. Um, no. Not that coordinated.
3. Drink soda. I get bubbles up my nose, choke and/or sneeze, and spew it all over myself and my surroundings. Not a pretty sight.
4. Eat salad without spilling it all over myself. (See #2)
5. Eat granola without spilling it all over myself. (Also #2)
6. Play any musical instrument with any degree of aptitude. Except, maybe, the kazoo. Or the bongo.
7. Proofs. Oh yeah, if I just tried a little harder...
8. Chemistry. It may not be (all) Greek, but it's Greek to me.
9. Not speak in double entendres. Although I think this reflects more on the dirty minds of my friends than on me.
10. Win an argument with my sister. See #1. And maybe #7. And, oh what the heck, #9 too.

10 THINGS I CAN DO

1. Drive a car. You'd be amazed how many people can't do this [safely]. And I thought New Zealanders had issues...
2. Write a paper. I can write lots of papers, actually. It's a gift.
3. Bake. Eh, not everything, but the nice thing about my friends is that they eat pretty much whatever I bring them. They're like dogs. Or garbage disposals. Only I love them.
4. Talk to children and animals. I'm quite proud of this in fact, though I can't take any real credit since they just find me and attach themselves like leeches. Still, it's rather adorable.
5. Speak four languages. Notice I didn't say I was fluent in four languages. Only that I can speak them. Sort of.
6. Confuse my professors and/or classmates with my philosophical ramblings. Not sure I should be proud of this, but it's so much fun...
7. Avoid jetlag. I think my internal clock migrates. But whatever the reason, I don't usually get jetlagged.
8. Read a book in less than a day (usually three to six hours). This skill has significantly slacked off since college.
9. Organize things. Whether you want me to or not. Mwahahaha.
10. Think of more than 10 things I can't do and less than 10 things I can do. Geez.

This is WolfGrrl.